(I wrote this four years ago and just found it in my drafts. Still helpful, I think.)
I’m a hardcore introvert. Although I’m not shy, socializing drains me, so I enjoy spending copious amounts of quiet time alone. Despite this, I’ve come to find that networking doesn’t have to be so terrible.
In fact, I’ve come to appreciate it, and I think other introverts can, too. Here are some things I appreciate — not “like,” but appreciate — about networking:
- It’s socializing with a purpose — we’ve already established what we’re going to talk about, which is professional, career-minded, grown-up stuff.
- It’s a BOGO/two-for-one outing — a social event and professional development opportunity in one, so I can check both off my list at once.
- It’s quantifiable — yes, my energy level is at two, but my business card exchange game is on 100. Clear markers like this help me to feel less overwhelmed.
Here are a few other tips I use to honor my introversion and do some professional socializing at the same time.
1. Negotiate
Negotiate with yourself. For example, I don’t care to drink much, so happy hours aren’t usually something I look forward to. Therefore, I don’t go to networking happy hours.
On the other hand, I love learning new things and going to learning events. So I made a deal with myself.
As a compromise for blacklisting a whole category of networking opportunities in happy hours, I’ll introduce myself to at least one person that I don’t know when I go to a learning event.
Oftentimes, making the effort to talk to one person may be all you need to feel more comfortable and talk to others. Maybe not, and that’s okay, too. Talking to one person may seem like a tiny goal to many people, but it’s a big achievement to me on some days.
2. RSVP
Deciding in advance that I might like to go to a learning event, presentation, or training gives me time to be the positive voice in my head.
I’ll give myself pep talks throughout the week, like: “This is gonna be so great. You’ll probably learn so much cool stuff. You’ll also get to see a cool, new office space. Hopefully the presentation will be new and interesting, so you can get some good ideas. There will probably be some good, tweetable content, too.”
Deciding ahead of time also gives me to the opportunity to be as asocial as I need to be on the days before the event, so I won’t be drained when that day comes.
3. Find your motivation
You may notice that the incentives in my pep talk don’t include meeting people. Why not? Because that’s not a motivating factor for me. If you’re an introvert, maybe that’s not what excites you either. Yes, I probably will meet people. I may even meet cool, smart people that I’d like to meet again. If so, that’s a bonus — it’s nice, but it’s not what I came for.
What excites me is learning. I get excited about discovering new information that I can use to make my work more efficient, more engaging, more accurate. I want to add new books to my library and techniques to my toolbox. It’s not sexy, but it gets me going.
4. Be prepared
Business cards? Check. Business cards are great as conversation helpers. It’s like the person is handing you notes on questions you can ask them.
Unloneliness Prop? Check. A small notebook and pen serve double duty — you can take notes at learning events and look busy without being on your phone. I think water or another drink can also be helpful in addition to a notebook and pen, to give the full appearance of being contently engaged in your solo activities, hands full, occupied, but not stand-offish.
Conversation Piece? Proceed with caution. It can be nice to have a physically interesting thing that you don’t mind talking about, like a beautiful ring you carved from a lava rock. Things like that can be a great way to break the ice, but remain cognizant of whether you want that interaction. You don’t have to stand out if you don’t want to. Blending in can be essential when your social energy reaches dangerously low levels.
Exit strategy? Check. When it’s time to go, it’s time to go, and you don’t need to feel bad about it — this includes the group of people you’re talking with and the event in general. Be nice about it of course, like “it’s been great talking with you. I’ll see you around.” I don’t usually give a reason for why I’m leaving and it’s doubtful that anyone will ask. Don’t make up excuses —the fact that you’re ready to leave is reason enough. It’s a small but important gesture to show respect for yourself and honor your needs.
5. Do your Googles
Skim the list of attendees and see if anyone has a web presence that interests you. You can look at their work to come up with something you might want to talk about. At the very least, you may get to know what some people look like before you show up.
6. Chill
You’re not obligated to talk to anyone. Relax, take in the scene. I don’t think it’s a good idea to be on your phone the whole time, but don’t beat yourself up if you don’t feel interested in making small talk. Take a walk around the event, window shop the conversations, and join in if you hear something interesting.
Another reason I find it beneficial to take it easy is that if I do meet someone that I really want to talk to, and if I’ve paced myself instead of stressing out, I’ll be fresh and energetic to give them my best. I don’t want to waste my finite social energy forcing myself to talk about the weather or other small talk topics.
7. Find the super-friendly
Sometimes it’s helpful to find the super-friendly. This is likely someone who’s glad to lead the conversation and introduce you to others. If they’re the type that has enough friendliness for two, they can serve as your extrovert-energy proxy. If you have someone like this in your life, invite them to the event.
8. Check up on it
Social media is your friend. If striking up a conversation right then and there doesn’t seem like your best option, you can always exchange info and contact them online. Whenever I have a stack of business cards from an event, I go directly to LinkedIn and request a connection with each person. That way, I’ve initiated a line of communication to talk, like social engagement, but from home, which is awesome.
9. Know Yourself / To Thine Own Self Be True/ Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself
The most important thing is to know yourself. Know how you’re feeling before you make the decision to go to an event with networking opportunities. Know which situations you enjoy and which ones you hate.
Be aware that you are who you are and that’s okay — not everyone is gregarious, and not everyone needs to be in order to be successful. Determine what success means for you, by your own standards and not someone else’s.
Note: These are ways I’ve found to meet my personal and professional needs with moderation and self-care. These tips for networking are different than how I’d handle work-related events that require me to interact with others.
